Jennifer Blacklock

“Settle down please”, I interrupted my conversation with an older couple, Ernie and Diane, at church to quiet my children. The kids’ volume and activity had been gradually escalating over the last few minutes; they were in good moods- happy, not fighting or anything- but I wanted to prevent a just-for-fun wrestling match or scream-filled chase from ensuing in the fellowship hall. Thinking I was doing the “good-and-responsible-mom” thing and also sure people might be thinking my kids were “too much for the space” (something I was told in a trendy, local coffee shop once), I was relieved and, I guess surprised, when Ernie said “they’re fine! We grown-ups are always trying to squash kids’ joy.”

I realized that’s exactly what I was doing. I was trying to make my happy, joyful, jumping kids be “quiet”- not so happy and energetic. Not so full of joy.

Ernie continued, “you know, I read once that the word kids say most by the time they’re two years old is ‘no’.”

I’ve heard versions of this statistic before too, but from the point-of-view of rebellion and discipline— that kids innately have a rebellious streak which is seen clearly in the defiance displayed by a refusing toddler. A case for intentional discipline; a need to help them be obedient. And of course this is true and necessary, but this wasn’t the lens Ernie viewed the toddler-vocabulary fact through.

He was making the point that adults tell young kids “no” so much that we ingrain it into their vocabulary more than any other word! What a perspective shift. 

Since then I’ve been realizing all the needless “no’s” I give throughout any given day, especially times I tell them to settle down or quiet down when it doesn’t actually matter- I just sort of prefer a lower level of energy and volume than they’re operating at. 

Of course discipline and direction are incredibly important in raising kids intentionally. But just as important is loving them for who they are- which sometimes is noisy and rowdy! So I’m trying to see this as joy and give myself the freedom not to “squash” it for mere preference or convenience (or especially fear of what others think).

Maybe kids’ fullness of joy (that often comes out as silliness, playfulness, rowdiness, goofiness, and noisiness) is part of what Jesus was talking about when He said we must “become like little children” to enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:3). We dare not squash that. May God give us balance as we discipline and correct as well as embrace, nourish, and encourage childlike joy!