When days seem to run together into one- when they feel exhaustingly long or way too short- bedtime routines can be grounding, connecting, collecting breaks to help end the days on high notes.
We’ve made slight tweaks to our family’s bedtime routine over the years, but for the most part it has remained a constant through all the normal days and even the abnormal- moving, trips and vacations, hard times, postpartum seasons, etc.
The most important thing about a bedtime routine is that it’s sustainable- you can stick to it (even if you’re more tired than the kids). So keeping it simple is important, while still filling with meaning and purpose. Here are the basics that work for us:
Ready for bed
Habits rely on a cue- something to prompt the desirable action. For a bedtime routine it makes sense for this to be basic “ready” things that everyone already does. In our house that’s just brushing, flossing, and changing into clean clothes (I inadvertently carried “no formal pajamas” from my childhood into my children’s. Do most people wear actual pajamas…?)
We used to have an issue with kids getting super hyper and playful and/or bickering when they would get into the bathroom together to brush, so we finally instituted “everyone-has-their-own-teeth-brushing-place”, and now have a much easier time.
Wind down (talk and “roses and thorns”)
(When kids share a room, they can each climb into bed as we briefly chat about the day behind us, otherwise a common place like the couch will work for this and all these things). We each share a high and low from the day. This helps us all process things and wind down and connect. A little laughter, a little sympathy. It’s a sweet time.
Prayer
My husband or I, whoever is putting the kids to bed that night (the other one is usually taking care of dishes and tying up loose ends), leads the kids in prayer and then they each take a turn. The older ones felt shy to start praying out loud on their own when we first started doing this a few years ago, because we hadn’t made it a normal part of the routine when they were little (we would just pray out loud while they listened), but our toddler now joins in and has since he could talk. Leading and nudging are important here. You want to expect it but not force it. I encourage them to keep it simple: thank/praise God, pray for another person, and then whatever else you want. Another thing we’ve done is say a prayer like the Lord’s Prayer or a common prayer together.
Reading
We used to just read a short storybook of the kids’ choice- often repeated night after night for weeks until we parents had it memorized. Now for several years we’ve been transitioned to chapter books, which in my opinion is better. A more engaging plot, better vocabulary. Important here is choosing books that are interesting but not so action-packed that it’s impossible to stop reading. We aim for a chapter- less if they’re long. I’ll soon make a list of our favorites, because sharing great stories together is such an important thing to do as a family, and we’ve come across some great ones over the years! But off the top of my head we love the Sarah, Plain and Tall series, EB White’s books, Little Men, the Anne of Green Gables series, and the one we’re reading now, Toys Go Out, which literally has us laughing out loud every night.
Blessings
This could simply be a kiss or pat on the head with an “I love you” to each child, but we add in a “bedtime blessing” taken from Justin Whitmel Earley’s wonderful book Habits of the Household. Not an exact quote from his book but the gist of it is:
“do you see me looking at you?” (“Yes”)
“do you know I love you?” (“Yes”)
“no matter what bad you do?” (“Yes”)
“no matter what good you do?” (“Yes”)
“Who else loves you like that?” (“God”)
”rest in His love”.
And that’s all. The whole routine takes about half an hour and is a sweet relaxing time of connection.
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What are your favorite bedtime traditions? Let me know in the comments!
Jennifer Blacklock 
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