Jennifer Blacklock

“Life is a trade off” my great aunt Wraye would say when we little girls would have to forego one “good” in order to have another, like choosing between a soda or a piece of cake as a sweet at a party, or choosing between going with Dad to Home Depot or staying home with Mom to watch Gomer Pyle.

Life is a tradeoff.

I don’t think I understood the gravity or profound truth of those words until adulthood, really until the last few years. But these words are so true. Even Jesus addressed this in Luke 14 when he spoke of counting the cost of following Him. Yes, it would absolutely be worth it, but His disciples would have to give up much in this life for His sake.

It’s really the essence of “he who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matthew 10:39).

In this life we have many tradeoffs, and realizing that can be very freeing.

Often, when we feel paralyzed by a decision or when we feel let down or disappointed, it’s because we’re thinking we need to find a way to somehow get total fullness or satisfaction out of the situation and haven’t accepted that most of the time, we’re choosing between two “goods”, and in order to have one, we have to give up another..

A month ago, we went to the lake with my sister to celebrate my new baby’s six month “birthday”. There are two lakes in our area, and we had to decide between the two. Here’s what I wrote in my journal that day:

“Right now we’re comfortably squished on a little blanket at Caballo lake. It was quite an…adventure, to get here— many maze-like roads leading to nowhere and difficult to find a road that actually leads to somewhere suitable. We finally found a road that got us close enough to the shore and hiked down the rest of the way. Elephant Butte Lake, which we considered also, is easy to access and sandy beached, but, crowded and smells like gasoline fumes from all the boats and is often noisy with shouts and motors and loud music. Here, there are big shady cottonwood trees sprinkled along the shore, no crowds whatsoever, no fumes. We’re sitting in the shade of a huge tree right now, enjoying total quiet except for the lapping of gentle waves and sweet smelling breezes. We went for some swims with no boats around and dried off in the warm sunshine. But, we had to park our car at the top of the hill and walk down, and the beach is all rocks- some sharp, most slimy. The rocks were covered at first with (thankfully, easily-scared-away) spiders that made us all uncertain of whether to stay or go. But here we are, and it’s lovely.”

This day and situation made me think of aunt Wraye’s words. In acquiring some good- the quiet, private, shady beach- we had to give up some other good- accessible roads, soft sand.

Accepting that life is a tradeoff can be helpful in dealing with analysis paralysis because it takes the pressure off of making a “perfect” decision.

Accepting that life is a tradeoff can help us to make wise decisions when we learn to prioritize the most important things and let go of commitments or plans or dreams of lesser importance.

Accepting that life is a tradeoff helps diminish disappointment when our expectations aren’t completely met. We can focus on what good there is and accept or forgive or let go the part that’s not going our way.

Accepting that life is a tradeoff can help us have grace towards others (and ourselves) when they don’t measure up to our standards. Maybe a certain friend bothers you in the way they’re a little braggy about certain things but they’re always ready to help, listen to, and pray for you. Maybe your husband doesn’t seem to know where the laundry basket is, but he works hard, is lovingly affectionate, and handy at household projects. Maybe you wish you were better at keeping up a steady daily routine or meal planning, but you’ve been spending more time reading the Bible and have become a more gentle parent and have learned to bake bread.

So, thank you, dear aunt Wraye, for passing on this wisdom to the girls and me when we were little. (It only took a few decades to begin to grasp it!)